Dads

I get really emotional when I see a little girl with her dad. The other day a man was taking his little girl to Cold Stone for ice cream and it made me cry. It made me cry because those father daughter dates I went on with my dad are over. I now look to the future and pray that Eleanor can share those wonderful times with Matthew. I pray that she can love her dad as much as I did and that they can build new memories and traditions. I know Matthew will be an excellent father. Its one of a thousand reasons I married him. I'm so happy for Ellie because I know she will have a dad just like I did that will love her so much and be such a fun and loving dad. I can't wait to take her to Tar Heels Games and Panther Games. I can't wait for him to read to her all kinds of books and teach her to ride her bike. He will be someone she can go to for anything and he will be someone for her to look up to and trust. A lot of men nowadays are so self absorber. Fathers don't stick around like they use to and they don't work hard on their families and themselves.
My wedding rings have become to tight on my fingers so now I wear my dads ring. I love to wear it because it makes me feel close to him even though he is far away. There are so many times I want to just call him and ask his advice or get him to tell me that everything will be ok. It makes me angry that he was taken from our family by such a vicious disease. He was such a good man and deserved to grow even older with my mother and have a peaceful long life. It hits me through each week that he is gone and I have flashbacks to his last moments and I hate to remember them.  It doesn't help that I am an emotional wreck from my hormones. I cry at almost all sappy commercials and cry for no reason at all. I'm so ready to not feel crazy anymore.

My dad told me before he died how happy he was to learn they were having a girl and that he wanted a girl so much. It gives me such comfort to know I had such an amazing father. It also gives me a lot of comfort to know that Matthew will be just the same for our little one. I have such security in knowing that Eleanor will be loved just as much as I was by my own father.