100 Things I Want to Teach My Daughter

1. Beauty is a state of mind, not a state of body.
2. The benefit of the doubt is sometimes the best gift we can give our friends.
3. There will always be mean girls– that doesn’t mean we find a tower and Rapunzel ourselves away from the world.
4. Your daddy has loved you better and longer than any boy ever will.
5. Your father will teach you how boys should treat you.
6. You’re always welcome in my wardrobe.
7. The world needs your point of view.
8. Food is a joy.
9. Your body is strong and capable of more than you can imagine right now.

10. Ice cream is a love language.

11. Cook, decorate, clean, organize because you love to, not because someone tells you you’re meant to.
12. Music makes everything better.
13. Dance – especially when you’re doing the laundry.
14. You’ll never be too old for me to rock you.
15. Nothing you tell me will ever make me want to stop hearing from you.
16. We need your story.
17. No prayer request is ever too small, too silly or too embarrassing to share.
18. Washing your face every night is the best kind of beauty routine.
19. Sunscreen – you got my genes.

20. Mr Darcy and popcorn make for a perfect evening.

21. Blue eyes really do melt hearts.
22. Betty Crocker’s chocolate fudge is the best in the world.
23. A good movie can change how you understand someone else.
24. Words can build bridges between people.
25. Home is not where we live but who we love.
26. Naps are great!
27. Your Name holds a special meaning for us.
28. Inevitably I will splinter your heart.. But we will tweeze it out together.
29. You taught me how to feel beautiful.

30. Staying up late to read a good book is never time wasted.

31. Good girls aren’t boring.
32. A great mascara is always worth the investment.
33. There is not "right" way to be a woman and mother..
34. The “mommy wars” are a myth; we’re all in this together.
35. The best way never to worry about anyone gossiping about you is never to gossip about anybody.
36. Saying sorry first is a sign of strength not a weakness.
37. I’m on your side; especially on the days when it doesn’t feel like it.
38. Your body is not just yours. It’s a gift for your husband. I promise it’s worth waiting to unwrap together.
39. Sex for the first time will require a beautiful sense of humor and a partner who’s in it for life.

40. The movies lie. Passion isn’t a contorted exercise on a marble staircase, it’s doing the dishes together and lying with your feet touching in bed at the end of a long day.

41. Marriage is an act of courage, commitment and sacrifice. It’s also the most fun you’ll ever have with your best friend.
42. Always fight fair. But don’t be afraid to fight.
43. Long hair requires a really good conditioner.
44. God says He has made all things beautiful – that includes you, my love – no matter how you feel about your body
45. Fashion is not my forte; I look forward to learning from you.
46. I love the curves you added to my body.
47. A good cry is great therapy.
48. Christian women aren’t immune from cliques. Love on regardless.
49. Bad hair days are inevitable.

50. A strong man is never threatened by a strong woman.

51. Go big even if it means failing big. Especially then.
52. Be the friend you wish you had.
53. Travel all over the world.
54. You can’t control what others think about you. Let it go.
55. A first kiss should be toasted, treasured, savored.
56. I will be your best friend. But I will be your mother more.
57. Your dad will teach you about music. He has the best taste.
58. You can’t go wrong with a good journal
59. Stop for sunsets.

60. Prince Charming isn’t a fairytale, he’s a myth

61. Daughters teach us about our mothers. You gave me back my mom.
62. Jesus loves you for you. Not for your ability to bear children.
63. Husbands need a wife. Not another mom.
64. It’s true what they say about childbirth and then some.
65. Love waits.
66. Patience is never wasted.
67. Don’t just Instagram your life. Live it.
68. Dad will be the one helping you with math homework and when that fails there will be a tutor.
69. Don’t be afraid of a broken heart.

70. The only thing holding you back from making a difference in the world will be yourself.

71. IHOP pancakes are better than mine
72. Girlfriends are the best kind of free therapy there is.
73. Don’t be afraid to be foolish.
74. Real life is always better than online.
75. A good friend loves at all times. Period.
76. Read everything written by JRR Tolken and JK Rowling
77. Eating too much nerds candy will be something your teeth make you regret in your thirties.
78. I’m more interested in your growth than your happiness.
79. I will earthquake wide open when you hurt.

80. If it makes you feel uncomfortable, don’t do it, wear it or say it.

81. Challenge yourself.
82. Walk across the Charles Bridge in Prague.
83. Learn at least one other language.
84. Cross-cultural marriage is much harder than you can ever imagine
85. Homesickness never gets easier.
86. But Dramamine is the perfect cure for motion sickness on 18 hour flights.
87. We need each other.
88. Bad haircuts grow out eventually.
89. You will love again.

90. The painful truth is always easier than a messy lie.

91. Jesus loves you, this I know. In my heart, my bones, my soul.
92. There’s no such thing as perfect.
93. You can always come home.
94. Nothing will make me love you less.
95. Nothing will make me love you more.
96. The mirror is not the boss of you.
97. You’re the most brave when you’re the most scared and keep going anyway.
98. Womanhood is a gift.
99. I’m never tired of being your mother.
100. You will always be my baby girl.

Having only one child..

Its funny after you have a baby how the question then becomes.. when will you have another? or .. do you think you will have another? I just gave birth not even four months ago and already this question is a constant companion to the "are you sleeping yet" question. As someone who just gave birth.. the idea of going through the last year of my life again seems cruel and unusual. Not to mention the fact we have zero money to even take care of the baby we have presently. If it wasn't for my mother we wouldn't even be able to afford our current child's daycare. My mom has been our sole source of financial and diaper help and it looks like she will be that only source for a long time. After looking at our monthly income and financial future.. having another child would send us to the poor house. But people don't want to hear that.. people want to hear that I will be popping out kids so my "poor" child will have a playmate.. which leads me to my next point.. who says siblings will get along?.. I grew up with a lot of friends who hated their brother or sister. Some to the point where as adults they don't even speak to each other. As an only child I had my own room, my own toys and a free college education due to my parents saving easily for just my future. I was not spoiled or made to feel entitled...instead I was loved and given a good base of values. I know A LOT of only children.. my husband being another.. and we are all just fine. Our lives were not "less" because we lacked a sibling.

I found a wonderful article on the NY times...she basically speaks my mind about what I have witnessed too!

"Oh, I am not sure, we might just have one,” I’d say, only to see the other mom’s face turn into one of disbelief, at best, and instant negative judgment, at worst. This would be followed by a range of comments, from the passive-aggressive “Are you serious?” to my personal favorite, “I’m sure you’ll change your mind soon.”

http://parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/01/29/whats-wrong-with-having-one-child/


I don't know how I will feel in 2-3 years but I just hope Eleanor is healthy and happy and if we only have her.. at least I know I will be able to send her to college and help her in any way she needs me. If that makes me look bad in other people's eyes.. oh well.. The older I get the more and more I realize the only persons opinion that matters is my own.. and at times my hubby :) lol

The Mommy Club

They really don't tell you what being a mom will be like or what having a baby will be like..its kind of like a secret society. I've noticed everything I THOUGHT I was going to do .. or not do.. is now different. They tell you to sleep when the baby sleeps.. and then you don't becuase your so happy to have "you time" that you watch tv or do dishes or have time with your hubby. They tell you breast feeding is best and blah blah blah.. then you realize how stress full and time consuming that is and you get over it and tell those that make you feel guilty to shove it! They tell you to stay at home through contractions...then you end up never even having one outside of Pitocin and have a Csection....I really believe nothing in life can be planned or controlled.. if being a mom has taught me anything its that you just have to go with the flow and enjoy life. Every mom is different and every baby is different.. none better than the rest.
Ellie started Daycare and we are sorta happy with them.. sorta not.. its hard as first time parents to know if what we are getting for our money is good. We love Mrs. Donna who works 8-3pm but aren't so happy with Mrs. Tonya who works 7:30-8:30am with the babies..not a fan. But then again what do we know? We are just trying to get Ellie on a schedule and make sure she is taken care of.
Last week She turned three months old. Its amazing how fast time has gone. I'm back at work and trying to juggle my new life. Its hard at times but in the end its a amazing to be a mother and I wouldn't trade it for sleep any day...

Holy Growth Spurt!

Eleanor is Six weeks old! Wow! This is the most exhausting but rewarding job of my life. I am tired every day and my back hurts every day but I love my little girl so much. Our follow up appointments have gone great! Ellie is right on track with weight gain and her shots. She weight 8lbs 10oz at her 1 month appointment. She also grew a tiny bit in height.. she is now 21 3/4 inches. Mommy is doing a lot better. She lost all her baby weight! Yah!! Now trying to lose more for overall health and vanity. Blood pressure is still not all the way down but making its way. They lowered my dose again but still not completely off. No protein in the urine and my iron levels are good. Doc said my incision is healing wonderfully and the doctor took me off restrictions for lifting and all physical activities.
Its hard as hell to be at home all day with Ellie. There are some days I just want to cry because I am so tired and Ellie is so fussy. This week has been very challenging because Ellie has been going through a growth spurt. Yesterday I fed her 6oz of formula  per bottle when normally her bottles are 4 oz each But she just kept screaming for more food so like the doctor told us we gave her more.. holy cow! Matthew has tomorrow off work and I am thrilled. I need a day off like you would not believe. I never thought I would be jealous of people going to work. I would love for Matthew to stay home one day like I do and go through what I do. By the time he gets home from work she is usually finishing up a nap or ready for a bottle but not nearly as fussy as she was at 10am or noon. Don't get me wrong.. I love being with my daughter and having the opportunity to spend all this time with her but I have such a new respect and appreciation for my mother being a stay at home mom.. it really is the hardest thing on the planet. It will be so hard to take her to day care and go back to my job so I try and enjoy every moment I can.
Ellie is starting to smile now!! Which I LOVE! We play on her playmat and she beginning to not just be a screaming, pooping, sleeping baby.. she actually is now starting to play and have fun expressions. It helps keep my sanity to see her now smile back at me.
Exie has been very good with Ellie and mainly keeps to herself. She does get jealous when I am playing with Ellie on the floor because she was use to me playing with HER on the floor. She still sleeps with us and I still try and throw her toys and give her treats. She has eaten 4 of Ellies pacifiers and that has me really mad. And her pooping and peeing on the carpets upstairs has me livid. When Ellie starts crawling we plan to have Stanley Steamer come back out and do our carpets again and at that time start locking Exie in her play pen.
Well I gata run.

Three Weeks

I can't believe my daughter is three weeks old! Where did the weeks go? Matthew is back to working half days and my mom is back helping me out while we get use to Matthew being at work. Ellie has gotten so big! I'm sure she weights close to 8-9lbs by now. I'm slowly feeling better. I hate my blood pressure medicine! It makes me dizzy and I have to be very careful when I get up from sitting or laying down. My incision is looking great and you can't even see it unless I point it out. My allergies are bad so I am taking my clariton again. Matthew's dad is cured of his infection! Thank god! He finally got to hold his grand daughter a few days ago. I got to go out for a girls night with Katie and Heidi and my mom. It felt really good to go shopping and have dinner. I did miss my little girl though and was really happy to get home and hold her. It was weird to be away from her for a few hours but its good I took some me time. Its been really hard at night. Ellie doesn't like to sleep at night at all. We change her diaper, feed her and hold her but she wont sleep till we put her in bed with us.. a really bad habit but by 4am we don't care and just want to get to bed. She is too young to just let her cry in her bed. We keep trying every night to get her into her crib and hopefully in the next few weeks she will start to get better with sleeping longer in there then a few mins. She is really strong. She can lift her head when she get angry enough and has super strong legs. Changing her diaper is harder then I thought when she kicks and screams. We love to watch her make faces and can't wait to see her smile back at us and not just when she has gas. Her umbilical cord has fallen off and we have taken her out to Carabas for dinner and Bojangles for breakfast. We also took her to Baby's R Us to pick up more supplies. She was a good girl and it was fun to go out. We also went next door to see the neighbors for dinner. I will be happy when the doctor says its safe to take her out even more to see more people. This weekend her Great Grandmother Luela will be visiting her and monday her second cousins Meg and Hannah will be stopping by. There are so many people for her to meet and I can't wait for more people to come see her soon. She seems to like bathtime better now that its not a spounge bath. The warm water is great to sooth her. She still gets fussy when she gets out because she is most likely cold. We love her so much. Every day with her is a blessing from God and we thank him every day for her!

Eleanor is here!

What an eventful week. On April 11, 2012 Miss Eleanor Virginia White was born at 10:20am , 7lbs 9oz, 21inches long, via Csection. It was a wild ride. They had to induce me because my blood pressure kept going up and it was better to have her early for our safety. They tried induction but it didn't work and Eleanor wouldn't come down so we had the Csection.
I can't explain how amazing but very overwhelming it feels like to be a mother but its also very exhausting and has been an emotional roller coaster. We have been home almost a full week on Sunday and Matthew and I are still getting use to the long nights and trying to figure a schedule out with feedings and sleep.  My mother is here and its been so great to have all her help and I don't know how we would have done this without her. She has been amazing and done so much.  Matthews parents have  come to see her but Matthew's dad hasn't been feeling well so they are waiting to be safe to come by for full visits. Which we appreciate their taking care to make sure not to give Eleanor anything.
Well back to Ellie we go..

UNC Charlotte Work Baby Shower

The ladies at my work threw me a wonderful shower! There was strawberry cake, lemon squares, chocolate covered strawberries and m& ms, peanuts, pretzels  and punch. It was really, really nice. About 15 people came and it was super nice of everyone to get Eleanor some great stuff. We got lots of diapers (yahh!! We sooo needed them), onesie's,  cute outfits, bibs, safety preps, keep sake box, bottles, a great bedding set and so much more! It was so nice!

I feel like a Giant Water Balloon

I feel like a giant water balloon. I have zero shoes to wear to work today and its my work shower so I wanted to look cute. I"m so tired its taking everything in me not to fall asleep at my desk. I am really excited about my shower today. It was so nice of my coworkers to throw me one! They are the best! I will update this blog with pictures after its over. My feet are so swollen..ugh my flip flops hurt because the tops of my feet are so swollen and my hands hurt. I just want to curl up and go back to bed for a few hours. I can't believe we have just 30 days to go till Eleanor's arrival! Tomorrow her crib and dresser come in and then we will finish up the baby room. We still need to hang her curtains and put some things away but we are basically ready. I'm glad we don't have plans this weekend and I hope to keep it that way.. I just want to lay around the house and watch TV and do nothing.. I'm so freaking exhausted. Updates from Shower ... coming soon..

 

Life Lessons for my Little Girl

As we get closer to meeting our little girl I can't help but think about all the things she will go through in life and all the things I pray she never has to deal with. My hopes and dreams for her and life lessons I hope she gains.

Life Lessons:

Not everyone will believe in the same religion as you and please understand that it doesn't make them less than you or "wrong". Everyone is raised differently and if you believe in God you know he loves all people and doesn't judge someone because they aren't Lutheran or Baptist. Your relationship with God is your own and the way you worship doesn't need to conform to masses.

Speaking of God. God loves ALL people even the people who are gay. Don't ever judge someone for who they decided to be with as adults. Your mommy and daddy have lots of homosexual friends and we love them just as God loves them. Your mommy regrets some of the choices she made in college when she judged people for being homosexuals and missed out on wonderful friendships because of this. Be open minded and loving to these people because they are also Gods Children and do not need "fixing".

Also be kind to all people. I hope you become popular and make lots of friends in life but I also hope you remain humble and non judgemental. Girls who dress differently or act different are not to be made fun of. Girls who are not thin and or pretty are not someone to make fun of! Some of the best friends in life are the ones that are not popular and loud but are under the radar and just normal. If you notice a kid getting picked on in school don't join in on that stupidity. Bully's are not cool and making someone feel less only makes you look foolish. Try to be a good example and not feed into the popularity contest.

Girls can be evil. I hope you make a lot of wonderful girl friends in life but remember that in "girl world" there are a lot of backstabbers and girls who will use you and be friends with you only for personal gain. A true girl friend will never let boys or popularity get in the way of your friendship. A true girl friend cares about you and wants to see the best for you. I hate to tell you but you may not meet these real girl friends till you are older but I hope you can find them at a young age. Guy friends are great too but there is always going to be a challenge in keeping that friendship just a friendship unless he's gay. Watch When Harry Met Sally.. it explains a lot..and is your mothers favorite movie.

Never let anyone tell you what you can and can't do with your body. Your body is your own and you should never feel pressured into doing anything you don't want to do. A boy who loves you will never make you do anything you don't want to do and will never guilt trip you into anything. Honestly, your not missing anything until you meet the right guy. If you can wait till marriage great.. if not please know that your first time will be really lame and you will wonder what the big deal is.. I'm here to tell you.. its NOT a big deal till its with the person you truly love and who truly loves you. This is another thing not to rush into because you think everyone else is doing it.. they may be.. but who cares? Be yourself and be the wise girl who waits for something better..


High School really sucks but its only four years. I promise you, if you work really hard in high school and get good grades you will then get to go onto a great college and please know that college is ten million times better than high school and you will hate yourself if you waste away your grades in high school and end up begging to get into a college. Save all that "fun" for college and when you go through tough times in high school remember that you will never see these people again and you are moving onto bigger and better. Your mom is friends with zero people from high school and is just fine.

Moving out of the house and getting a job and living on your own is HARD. Sure you dont' have to check in with me and dad but you are also responsible for bills, rent, going to work and keeping your place clean....you will miss being able to come and go as you please when you were younger. Having said that.. you can't live at home forever.. Get your degree.. get an entry level job and begin life.. we love you but we also miss having the house to ourselves.

Cherish your childhood. Life goes by very fast and before you know it your going to be an adult. I hope you play a lot outside as a child and have great memories of your childhood. I pray that you enjoy school and learn more then your parents.

Know how much you are loved by your family. When all else in life seems impossible remember that your family loves you more then anyone and we will fight for you and cherish you every day. You are our blessing from God and you can always come to us for anything.

Dear Eleanor

Dear Eleanor,

You are 34 weeks old and I am so excited to be meeting you soon! 40 days to go! Your room is almost done and we are just waiting on your crib, dresser-changing table and glider. You are a very active little girl in my body. You kick me a lot throughout the day but it doesn't hurt it just feels strange. Sometimes I think I feel you roll over and that always makes me stop and say "oh my". Everyone is so excited to meet you. I wonder what color hair you will have and if you will look like me or your daddy. I wonder what your labor and delivery into this world will be like? I am very nervous about that part. Your dad has been so supportive of me and is taking very, very good care of me. He rubs my feet/ankles every night and reads to us "The Hobbit" which puts mommy right to sleep. I"m not a fan of the dwarfs and find them annoying and useless compared to Bilbo! He also got your car seats installed and the fire department. He can't wait to have you in his arms just like mommy. Your big sister Exie still doesn't understand why I am so tired and getting so big. She has been very good about spooning me and cuddling with me because I think she is confused why I smell and look different. I know she will love you when you are born. We had our maternity shoot last weekend. Wendy, who did our wedding pictures, came over and took some great family photos. She can't wait to come back and take more of you once you are born. Even though we have a lot of things ready I hope you stay put a few more weeks till you are "full term". Mom wants to be able to hold you when you are born and hopefully avoid you needing any medical help. Mommy and Daddy pray for you each night and can't wait to meet you and take care of you. You have a lot of people praying for you and loving you on earth and beyond. Know that we love you so much! Every day we get closer to your due date is filled with excitement and a little fear but we pray to God each night and look forward to starting our new lives with you!

Love Mommy

8 Weeks to go!

Wow what an eventful couple of weeks. First we had our shower for Eleanor! February 18th.
We had a lot of wonderful friends and family come to join in the celebration. My in laws got us our stroller and car seat and bassinet!! They are awesome! Mom got us the boppy pillow, bear tummy time matt, swing, vibrating chair and other useful things. Beyond that we got a lot of clothes and dresses for Eleanor and not a single diaper! Go figure! So she will look nice while she craps her pants :) lol oh well ..I'm just a practical mommy and like getting things that are useful but I was happy she is all set on clothes..
Here are some pics from that day. Everything was really lovely and our moms, Matthews dad and Sara and Michael did SUCH a great job.

The guys did a baby bottle drinking game. The first to drink all the apple juice out of the bottle won.. Juno won!

Then after the shower we had a restful week and this weekend I went down to see my mom for the weekend. She got us our Crib and Changing table!! Yah!!

They are both from the Baby Dreams- Renaissance

 Collection . The dresser is awesome because it doubles as a changer and we don't have to then have extra furniture in the room. At first I didn't want white furniture but in the end I just fell in love with these pieces. Now all we need is a bookcase but I want to wait to see how much space we have after we set all these up in the room and also with the glidder.

Other than that things have been pretty quiet. THANK GOD. I have had 2 braxton-hicks contractions that really threw me for a loop and we have our 32 week appointment tomorrow with Dr. Parks. I can't believe we have 8 weeks to go. I gatta say I can't wait. I'm so tired and sore I'm ready to have her outside my body and in my arms. 

Not feeling so hot.. this helps...Sexy Men

30 Weeks!

We had our 30 week appointment yesterday. I have so much good news to share. First I passed my glucose test! Hallelujah! I was so worried about it because of the four blood draws they have to do but it ended up being fine. The worst part was keeping the drink down they give you on an empty stomach.

They also said my anemic levels from the blood work are normal so no need for extra iron supplements and my blood pressure and urine are both normal. Eleanor is head down, which explains why my pelvis has been really sore. I am no longer allowed to watch ESPN because they have had these super bowl documentaries about the players and they are all starting to make me cry. Last time Matthew came home I was crying because the Saints won the Super bowl a few years ago and it was such an amazing story to watch on ESPN I was crying. I also cried when the Giants won the super bowl this year. Its amazing but sports have made me really ubber emotional.. of all things!

Tonight we have breast feeding class. Matthew is coming with me because they encourage the dads to attend to help remember the information that is given. We are also going to stop by the Goddard School one more time to see if we want to enroll Eleanor there. I'm sick of looking at day cares.. they are all either great or horrible and nothing in the middle. If we like what we see this time I think we will enroll to hold her spot. The last day care we toured had beds that are not legal to use and their excuse was that they have till January of NEXT year to make this change and that they don't have the funds to do that presently.. really? so these kids are going to sleep in these cribs till you have the funds.. no worries that they are not safe? omg.. so yeah.. sick of looking at day cares and knowing within five minutes that we don't want to leave her there.

Financially its been overwhelming to realize how much its going to cost to add Eleanor to our insurance and to pay for her daycare. Insurance wise if I add her to my plan its $135 a paycheck which is $270 a month. For the daycare we are thinking about putting her in it will be $222/week  which is $888 a month.  So that's about $1,158 a month to just keep her taken care of while we are at work and to maintain her health care. This doesn't even include all the supplies a baby needs or the co-payments for doctor visits. Its really frightening to think about taking all this on but she will be worth it and we will make it work. My mom has graciously said she will assist with the daycare costs each month so we couldn't be more grateful to not worry about that expense. At this rate we may be only children who only have 1. Which would be fine by me because I don't even know how we would deal with siblings as it is :)

Our Baby Shower is this weekend. I can't wait! Our mothers and Sara have done a lot of work and are so grateful to them for throwing this shower. Hopefully my next blog will be pictures of our shower! I think it will hit us even more when we start to put together her nursery. Right now its an empty room but once stuff starts rolling in it will be really strange.

Valentines Day was awesome. It was our last Valentines day for just the two of us and Matthew did it up great! When I got up yesterday morning he had stuffed animals sitting in my drivers seat and a card on the dash board. Then when we got ready to leave for dinner he had a card waiting for me on my passenger side seat. We had dinner at the Fig Tree and it was very fancy. I actually fit into one of my old dresses and I looked great. I even wore a small high heel with my dress. Dinner was delicious. I had a Veal chop and a salad with goat cheese. The waiter knew I was pregnant so he had the bar tender make me a mocktail drink that tasted delicious but was of course alcohol free. Matthew got the surf and turf and we shared a slice of cheesecake. When we got home we were so tired though. Fancy dinners last 2 hours because of the slow pace of getting the food out for the romantic aspect. I was so sore and tired the second I lay down in bed I was out. I'm still tired today.  here is a pic of the stuffed animals I woke up to yesterday. My hubby is the best :)

Dads

I get really emotional when I see a little girl with her dad. The other day a man was taking his little girl to Cold Stone for ice cream and it made me cry. It made me cry because those father daughter dates I went on with my dad are over. I now look to the future and pray that Eleanor can share those wonderful times with Matthew. I pray that she can love her dad as much as I did and that they can build new memories and traditions. I know Matthew will be an excellent father. Its one of a thousand reasons I married him. I'm so happy for Ellie because I know she will have a dad just like I did that will love her so much and be such a fun and loving dad. I can't wait to take her to Tar Heels Games and Panther Games. I can't wait for him to read to her all kinds of books and teach her to ride her bike. He will be someone she can go to for anything and he will be someone for her to look up to and trust. A lot of men nowadays are so self absorber. Fathers don't stick around like they use to and they don't work hard on their families and themselves.
My wedding rings have become to tight on my fingers so now I wear my dads ring. I love to wear it because it makes me feel close to him even though he is far away. There are so many times I want to just call him and ask his advice or get him to tell me that everything will be ok. It makes me angry that he was taken from our family by such a vicious disease. He was such a good man and deserved to grow even older with my mother and have a peaceful long life. It hits me through each week that he is gone and I have flashbacks to his last moments and I hate to remember them.  It doesn't help that I am an emotional wreck from my hormones. I cry at almost all sappy commercials and cry for no reason at all. I'm so ready to not feel crazy anymore.

My dad told me before he died how happy he was to learn they were having a girl and that he wanted a girl so much. It gives me such comfort to know I had such an amazing father. It also gives me a lot of comfort to know that Matthew will be just the same for our little one. I have such security in knowing that Eleanor will be loved just as much as I was by my own father.

Penguin- Walking- Mother

I have now started to waddle when I walk. My feet and legs are so tried from all the added weight that I literally have started to waddle.. and no its not cute. Today marks 28 weeks! The fact that I have 12 more weeks to go of weight gain and general discomfort is a little discouraging. I wish Eleanor was big and healthy enough to come in a few more weeks but I want her to stay in the oven as long as she needs. I did clean the house this weekend. I had a sudden burst of energy and did laundry, cleaned the bathroom and straightened up  the kitchen. It felt so good to clean and get things back to "nice" in the house. My sheets are clean and I have clothes to wear to work. I don’t wake up with crap everywhere in my bedroom. It was so nice!

Matthew got his/our last couples gift...we got surround sound system installed in the living room. Michael & Sara came by and helped install it and its really very cool. Its also baby proofed! yah! All the wires are under the floor boards and covered with tubing up the wall. It looks custom installed so that made me happy. We watched Harry Potter 7.2 in blueray and it was very cool! This weekend we hope to watch the super bowl in surround sound! yah!

Today is my glucose screening at 2:30pm. I am so nervous. I don’t mind having to drink the special drink but the blood drawing always bothers me. I hate needles and I hate that whole process.

Yesterday we toured another daycare... Child Care Network...this one wasn't as great as the Goddard Place. Things we didn't like.. babies were on their belly in their cribs. (Hello SIDS laws) they had 10 cribs vs Goddard had only 8 cribs. There were no Latinos, Indians, Asians or whites in ANY of the age rooms. And there was only 1 staff member who wasn't black. I dont' want my child to be the minority. Goddard had such a great mix of races and genders. Then there was the location issue. Its a really bad left hand turn to get into the parking lot. The only "good" thing was it was 30 bucks cheaper than Goddard. Today we tour another daycare after my glucose testing. "The Chester brook Academy".  I'm interested in seeing how they stack up. Goddard called to follow up on how we were doing which I thought was very nice. There is so much left to do.. we also have to start interviewing pediatricians because that is something we will need right away.

Onwards!

I'm becoming one of "Those" Women..

All I seem to talk about with friends/ family/ all people is my baby.. I use to hate those women who basically word -vomited about their kids constantly.. I am now officially THOSE women.. I can't help myself.. when I run into people I give weight updates and "weeks to go" updates.. and "how I'm feeling".. now, granted, sometimes I am asked.. but all I update my friends about now on facebook and beyond is my baby..
I guess I need to be careful because not all my friends have kids.. and I know how annoyed I was with women who word-vomited about their kidos.


We had our elective 3-d ultra sound yesterday. I gatta say I wasn't as impressed with the pictures as I thought I would be. The lady who did them wasn't so great and the dvd didn't come out so we have to go back. Here are some of the pics.. I am happy to know she is REALLY a girl and she is 2.9lbs at 27-28 weeks. She is a mover and shaker. She didn't sit still the whole time which I loved because Matthew got to actually see her move around. I feel her move all the time but its harder for him to feel her move in my tummy. We are working on booking our maternity session with Wendy our former wedding photographer. Hopefully we will be able to do that in March!

Last night was our last baby education class. We learned A LOT last night. Did you know babies can’t drink water till they start eating solids? Also you aren’t supposed to use baby powder on their butts because the powder has been linked to asthma. You can't use q-tips in their ears or even that thermometer ear thing.. you have to take their temps with either a butt one or under their arm. You also can’t use scented lotions on baby because they could have allergies. The list went on and on. But it was soo helpful! One of our fellow students went into early labor at 33 weeks so she came to the class in a wheelchair because she is now a patient in the hospital!! That was an eye opening moment for us. It sunk in that we are really close to the end of caring our babies! She was the same girl who left the class to cry in the bathroom when we watched the birth video! Go figure! Now she is having a C-section. wow! I am going to miss that class so much! We exchanged facebook/phone numbers with our buddies from class so hopefully we can stay in touch.

Here is our "graduation" certificate for the course! lol yah!

The Business of Being Born

http://topdocumentaryfilms.com/business-being-born/


Every woman who is going to have a baby should watch this documentary. Now, granted, this is a very one sided documentary for home births/ natural birth but it does give some good information for those who think the only option is epidurals in hospitals.

The More You Know..

I love our baby class. I feel like the more we learn the less scared I feel about giving birth. We learned a TON this class.. we learned about  pain management including, narcotics, epidurals, C-Sections and all the different equipment they may or may not plug into me and the baby. Holding and seeing these items really helps. We saw what a monitor will look like, what an IV line will look like. We held the internal monitors and oxygen mask. She explained how many people would be in the room for a C-section. She literally had everyone play "a role" in the typical operating room. There will be about 10 people in a typical room and she said seeing that many people can be over whelming so its good to get the visual before it could happen. We watched a couple short videos on epidural births and C-Section births. I had a hard time watching the C-section one because it literally is surgery and you can't hold your baby right away.
Matthew and I had a long talk when we got home about the options of epidurals. We are going to try very hard to have a natural birth but we feel a lot more comfortable about the options of an epidural now that we understand it more. I wont consider myself a bad mother if I have to get one. After all no one gets a medal for not having a little help giving birth.
I do know for sure that I DO NOT want any of the analgesics or drugs that make you disoriented. Not only do they go into your blood stream but they can also go into the baby's blood and then your baby is born basically stoned and high. They can give the baby a shot after its born to take this away but then your baby has had TWO types of drugs in their system before they even breath.. heck no! I have also heard that even though these "dull" the pain they can also make you forget your labor and make you disoriented.. no thanks.
Epidurals are used for C-sections and keep the pain numbness in one area of your body and it does not affect the baby. It can slow down labor so you shouldn't get one till you have hit a certain amount of dilatation. There are a lot of complications to them (as with anything ) so I am still going to try my best to go "all natural". I just pray the baby gives me the oportunity to go natural and that I don't need a C-section.. honestly that scares me more then pushing.

We also learned and got down into pushing positions to practice the different ways you can labor. I have no idea which one I liked because I wasn't in pain. I think the idea of being on all fours sounded the best. I use to use that position for when I had bad menstrual cramps so maybe it would work for labor? Who knows. There are so many things I wont know till I am in the midst of it all that its hard to even guess.

During class I thought about how very thankful I am to have Matthew as my partner. I can't imagine going through this with anyone else. He asked really good questions in class and is a very patient and relaxing person so that will help. He also gives the best back and leg massages so I know he will be a big help in trying to get me through the pain. He also loves me so much and really makes me feel comfortable and safe. He is setting up day care tours for us over the next couple of weeks. We also learned we can go to the fire department to have them show us how to properly install our baby car seat so Matthew is calling around to find one that will do that for us. It makes me happy to see him take an active interest in getting everything ready :) <3 Not a lot of dads nowadays are even going to baby class. One girl in my class has come with her mom and one time by herself. Her baby daddy came this class but didn't seem to interested in asking anything intelligent. One father even had the balls to say "well so basically you are only in pain for a few seconds for a contraction and then its over for a few mins.".. his wife rebutted "ok so every time I have one I will kick you in the balls and see how long you can put up with that pain." lol.. I couldn't stop laughing.. poor guy.. he is never getting laid again. :)

Next week is our last class. Which makes me kinda sad. I love our class, our teacher and friends from class. We have learned so much and I feel so much better after each session. Next week we will learn about CPR (again) and basic baby care. Then the last class I have is breast feeding which they actually encourage the men to go to with their wives because there is so much information. Matthew has Daddy Boot Camp this weekend and I really hope he enjoys it! That is an all guys class so hopefully that should be fun. Then we just wait and see when little Elle wants to join us in the world...

96 Days to go! WOW!

So this weekend Matthew had his buddy Juno over and they painted the baby room. The guys did a great job! We decided to go with pink and yellow because it jazzes it up a bit. There are still some touch ups to do but for the most part its all done and looks great. We also cleaned out the closet and moved the stuff that was in there to the linen closet and put all the baby items in the baby room closet.
Today marks 26 weeks! We have 14 weeks to go and its coming really fast. We have another baby class tonight. This one will talk about C-Sections and Epidurals and other pain alternatives during labor. We also will learn birthing positions to get into.
We took CPR last week with my in laws. That was a great class but it just added another level of fear with the discussion of SIDS. Its one thing to get the baby out and make sure I'm ok and the baby's ok then we have to take it home and take care of it. Its like a constant fear that will never go away. My anxiety is really kicking in the closer we get to labor and delivery. Its funny how the fear has shifted. I stared out scared about having a miscarriage in the beginning.. then going into labor freaked me out.. and now just keeping it alive to give birth and after birth is there..I'm also sad because our lives are about to change completely. We will no longer be able to just go out and do anything we want.. we will have to think of the baby first. I told Matthew I want to enjoy as much couple time as we can because a bomb is about to go off in our house.. its called a baby. No one ever talks about how sad it can be to realize your life is about to totally shift. Even when you wanted to have kids and were trying.. it hits you when its about to become a reality. Yeah its exciting to be expecting a baby and I can't wait to meet her and raise her but I am also sad to lose the life I am use to.
I"m also sick of people telling me how to feel....lately I have been really tired and depressed. I can't drink wine, I have to be so careful when I order food, I can't just jump up and do things around the house.. it sucks to have your body totally taken over.. But when I talk to people (aka other mothers) about this all I get is grief and guilt.. "you should be thankful to be pregnant. So many women would be grateful for all this..." .."you having a baby is a miracle you shouldn't complain about your body..its such a small sacrifice".. really?? a "small" sacrifice.. the freedom to eat, sleep, run and jump is taken away from you for 9 months but I'm suppose to just ignore all that and be grateful because I'm not a statistic? Fine.. I am thankful but I am also allowed to feel depressed...thank god I have my hubby.. he doesn't say stupid crap back to me when I complain about things.. it seems only the women have this honor in life to make other women feel like ass..
Matthew listens to me and knows its not easy but he doesn't make me feel bad for being depressed about things from time to time. He lets me complain and cry...he always cheers me up but he also allows me to be in an open space about my feeling without making me feel like i'm wrong...This is why I married him..he is my best friend and I love him for that!

On a happier note.. Baby Elle is a dancer, mover and shaker...I love to feel her move. Lately she has been very active and moves a lot when I sit or lay down. Its a great feeling because it let me know she is doing ok and exploring her little sack. I wish Matthew could feel her kicks the way I do.. he doesn't feel them as strongly as I do because of the layers of fat and placenta. My fingers have also gotten so swollen that now I am wearing my rings around my neck on the necklace that Matthew gave me on Christmas. Its sad to not be able to wear my rings on my finger but at least they are close to me heart around my neck. I have my dads ring on my wedding finger so that helps.

My mom is coming to visit this weekend. I can't wait to see her! Matthew also has Daddy Boot Camp this weekend. I hope he enjoys it! Should be nice for him to hang out with other first time dads and dads who have just gone through all this.. I hope its a good class.


Till next time.. bye

"This is better than a hotel!!" .. yeah but a lot less relaxing..

Last night we had our second baby class. Here are some of the techniques we learned for labor...

Create a Calm Environment

Dim lights, peaceful surroundings, privacy, warmth.

Increase Physical Comfort

Walking, slow dancing with partner, pelvic rocking, positioning pillows for comfort, sitting and swaying on birth ball (a large physiotherapy ball), lifting up the abdomen, rocking in a rocking chair

Then we watched a natural birth video. The lady did it without any drugs and it was pretty interesting to see all the techniques she used. She got herself into a lot of different positions and played music, got massaged, and even had a mirror at the end to see the baby come out for encouragement that she was almost done giving birth.

One of the other mothers in the class left in the middle of the video. She said she cried in the bathroom because she was so overcome. I felt good because though it was hard to watch I wanted to see that it could be done and done without drugs.

Then we got a tour of the maternity wing.

I must say that CMC University has a really nice Maternity wing. They have 28 rooms and every other room has a tub for mothers to relax in if they haven't had their water broken. The rooms look like hotel rooms.

Family-Friendly SuitesLabor, delivery, recovery and postpartum all take place in one thoughtfully designed suite. These private, spacious suites are built around the needs of your family. The Maternity Center at CMC-University offers family-centered care, allowing mothers and babies to remain in the same room throughout their stay.
Through our newly adopted Progressive Level of Care, infants with increased needs can remain with you to receive special care instead of going to a progressive nursery or the Special Care Neonatal Nursery. This encourages immediate bonding for the entire family - mother, father, siblings and other family members.
Each suite has a TV/DVD and CD player to help you relax or pass the time, a rocking chair and a large, private bathroom. We have included a daybed for dad or a guest and an Internet connection so you can see and share those first precious moments.
Our staff provides a warm, supportive atmosphere in which you and your family can gently bond and learn to care for your new baby. While your baby may stay with you the entire time, our caring and experienced nursing staff will be close by to answer your questions and give you the support and help you need.

It really hit me when they took us in the rooms to see the facilities that I am going to come back there for birth.. Matthew was so excited about the room and for me it was like a smack in the face of reality.  He said "wow this is better than a hotel" to which I replied.. yeah but a lot less relaxing for me! I got emotional being in the rooms because I realized “I will be on that bed!”.  I don't like hospitals but I am happy that this place doesn't feel the way my dads hospital wing felt. I also like the fact that it has such high security. All baby's have a GPS on their legs and an alarm will sound if they are taken off the floor. So I guess we will see in a few months...

We also did pre-registration at the hospital via the Internet. This way when I do go into labor they have all the paper work done and out of the way. There will still be forms for me to sign but not as many now that I am pre-registered.

Next class we will learn about giving birth with help from epidurals and pain management drugs. I really hope to not use them but it will be good to learn about more options if I need them. We will also learn about C-sections and that will be a lot harder to watch on video then the birth. I just pray I don't have to have a C-Section..really pray for me on that one people! ugh!

The eternal optimist ... Ms. Exie May

I gatta say, no matter how horrible I feel, or how bad my day has been there is one little person that is always happy and positive.. my little doggie-daughter Exie. I have been sick and tired this whole week and she has been so upbeat and happy. She snuggled with me when I got home and every morning she will not get out of bed till I get up. She literally will lay with me till I go downstairs. Matthew will wake up and go to work and she just sits with me....Even when I get in the shower she just lays on my clothes and watches me get ready. Sometimes I wonder what she is thinking.. "green sweater with those pants? Mom, really???" and on weekends I usually grab her and spoon her. Its the best feeling in the world. Sometimes she will bring me her teddy bear and hopes that we will play a little before I leave and when I get home she always has a toy right there for me to play with .. it makes me smile and I love how excited she is when I come home..she bursts with excitment and it makes me forget what a crap day I may have had..
When it comes to food she always thinks she will get some.. she will patiently wait and wait and stare and stare till someone gives her a bite.. she doesn't always get food from the table but she never gives up..
I think thats what I love about her most.. she never gives up hope.. hope that today I will stay home from work and play with her.. hope that mommy or daddy will share some food..
I wish we could all have such positive and hopeful outlooks on life..